never play flip cup with pint glasses
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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