i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
