Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
