i think i have herpe
just one?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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