SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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