I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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