too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
