Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
