Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize