I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
