Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
