My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
