i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
