he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
