I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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