My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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