I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
