I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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