yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
