Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize