Apparently you make a good broom.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
