I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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