Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
