I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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