Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
