I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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