i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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