waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
