i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
