is your mom at the bar?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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