SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
