Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
sex in a hospital.. check
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
