i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
