yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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