Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
