Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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