i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
