Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
