I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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