He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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