If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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