What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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