Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
