he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
