Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
