I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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