I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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