he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
