I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
