i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
