Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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