I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
