Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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