i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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