saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
