Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
