you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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