I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
