All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
worst night to have a conscience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
