just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
