I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
