He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
