Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
