in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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