I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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