Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
