I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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