The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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