i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
