What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
