I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
